


Obsession

by simplyoverstated



Category: Original Work
Genre: All the World's a Stage, Anorexia, Bulimia, EDNOS, Eating Disorder, Obsession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 13:45:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11991036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplyoverstated/pseuds/simplyoverstated
Summary: If you say it enough it ceases to have meaning. It’s just letters shoved together, syllables on the tongue. But when it settles inside your soul it turns to acid, eating you from the inside out.Something I wrote, ED themed so please take care of yourself





	Obsession

Obsession. A simple word for a myriad of complex ideas and actions and fears and hopes.

_I’m obsessed._

_She’s obsessing._

_It’s an obsession._

If you say it enough it ceases to have meaning. It’s just letters shoved together, syllables on the tongue. But when it settles inside your soul it turns to acid, eating you from the inside out.

Something is new and fresh and intense, and it creates a hunger. You want to feel it over and over again; the first bite, the rush of endorphins, the sweet exhaustion that turns to elusive sleep. But it’s never the same.

You can drive yourself crazy hunting that feeling, and many people do.

_If I read one more…_

If you could find the right combination of self-destructive behaviors, maybe you could feel whole again. Like you did the first time you lost those five pounds. And the first time you gained them back, bite after bite of pure ecstasy. Has food ever tasted that good?

_If I watch one more…_

If you could escape your own mind, like you did the first time you dragged a blade across your skin, and you felt alive and calm and at peace. You didn’t cry. You lived.

A repeated action becomes a burden. It worked once, it worked less the second time. It was exhausting. It was killing you. But you didn’t know anything else. What could you do but keep going?

The definition of insanity is questioning your sanity. It’s living in your head instead of in your body. Because if you could escape your body you would, wouldn’t you? I would.

If I thought there was a heaven I wouldn’t want to die. Because dying is escaping, and if there’s something that comes after I don’t want it. I don’t want to keep being me, I want it to go black, to be covered in dirt. Life is too exhausting to do twice.

It used to feel good. It used to work. It doesn’t anymore, and it won’t unless you find something else, and beat that into the ground, and then come back to this.

_Eat it_

_Eat it_

_Eat it_

Put it in your mouth, you don’t even taste it just eat it eat it eat it

Then you feel sorrow and emptiness because you’re full. So get it out.

Now you’re hungry.

_Eat it_

_Eat it_

_Eat it_

Go to sleep, get away, take a vacation from obsession. You may revisit it in your dreams, but you probably won’t remember. Then when you wake up you’ll wish you were asleep. You’ll go your whole day wishing you were asleep, and when you get home you won’t be able to sleep. So it goes.

If this shit worked you’d be happy by now.

If this shit worked you’d be thin.

You’re not. All you are is empty and lost, and you’ve disappointed them and they don’t even know it yet.

You’re a good little actor. They think you’re normal, they think you’re happy. Perhaps you’re better than you thought, or perhaps they’re acting too. _All the world’s a stage_ After all.


End file.
